I’ve always heard about drug research and clinical trials, but they seemed sketchy to me. Trying drugs that aren’t approved by the FDA and may cause unknown side affects? Hmmm. But now that I’ve been so inconvenienced by Irritable Bowel Syndrome for the past five or so years, I had recently become interested in doing a trial for new IBS drugs, but I didn’t really know how to get involved.

I have tried so many drugs and supplements and treatments for IBS, it would probably make your head spin. I feel like Western Medicine has failed me, but Eastern Medicine hasn’t done much for me either. Some pills help, but they just mask symptoms, or make me feel great for a day or two, then like crap when I’m on the rebound.  Some of my medicines that help my symptoms the most give me cottonmouth from hell and/or make me really dopey/sleepy.

So when I got an email the other day from the guy who runs the online IBS support group I’m in (which is really awesome, by the way) talking about a new national clinical trial for IBS patients, my ears perked up. It was for females only and was being done all across the country. He listed the contact information so I called and did a phone screening, and they said I initially qualified and there was a local part of the study going on here in Austin. Then today I got a call from the local research coordinator, and it turns out the people doing the study here are my gastroenterologist’s office, so it’s already with doctors I trust.

The drug has already gone through some preliminary tests and the main side effect is fatigue, which I am already used to due to a sleep disorder and some of my meds. I’ll have to do this for 18 months, but only in the first month do I have to go in a few times for a visit — after the first month or two, I just have to go to the office once a month for a check up to make sure my vital signs and blood work and all that jazz is normal. Best of all, the main research office is south, near my office, so I can probably just go during lunch breaks.

I also will have to do a daily phone check-in, but it’s an automated system that just takes a few minutes, and I’ll have to rank my pain, discomfort, etc. A perk is that I get paid $50 for each office visit, and all the drugs and treatments are paid for.

The information they emailed me, which went over everything in great detail, did say it is a big commitment and can interfere with daily life, and you have to be prepared for that. As my blog title suggests, I place a lot of emphasis on balance. But honestly, after the first month, once-a-month visits aren’t bad, and taking an extra pill twice a day, even for a year, isn’t bad. And the daily check-in is supposed to take only 3-5 minutes.

I’m really nervous because I have to stop taking my other IBS meds to do this (they call it whitewashing) but I am allowed to take a “rescue” medication once a week if I really need it. Overall, though I am really excited to try this. I hope it helps me, but most of all, I hope it helps the IBS community in general. I don’t think enough research is being done to figure out what causes IBS or how to make it better (I doubt there is a real “cure” as it is a functional disorder, not a disease) and it is such a frustrating, embarrassing, debilitating disorder, especially for people like me who have quite a severe case. After many years of suffering and not finding much that really helps, I am more than happy to give this a shot for both myself and the greater good.

I’m not sure exactly how this will go, or if I’ll even pass the first in-person screening. Nonetheless, it will be interesting. I’ll keep you posted.

I’m sorry I’ve been absent as of late. I’ve been bombarded with freelance writing and editing work, which is extremely exciting. Unfortunately, much of it arrived around the same time (when it rains, it pours) so I’ve had very little time for personal blogging. I’ll try to still update from time to time.

***

I was glued to the television the night Hurricane Ike struck Texas; nearly all my family lives in Houston and Gavleston is dear to my heart since I grew up going there so often. That same night, I watched news break about a train wreck in a California suburb. A commuter train collided with a freight train and 25 people were killed, and many more injured. It was at first unclear why the engineer didn’t heed the warning not to proceed.

Later, it came out that the engineer may have been using a cell phone around the time of the accident. Lawmakers came out and decided to propose legislation that would prevent California train engineers from being allowed to have personal communication devices on them while on duty.

Today, it was revealed through cell phone records that the commuter train engineer, Robert Sanchez, sent a text message 22 seconds before the fatal collision happened. The brakes on the train were never used and the train signal telling the engineer to stop were found to be working perfectly. He was too busy indulging in personal communications, which resulted in the loss of 25 lives, including his own. Sure, texting is causing the English language massive amounts of damage, but it looks like it can have much higher stakes, as well.

What could that message have said? How important was it, really? As much as I hate to admit it, I was watching a Dr. Phil episode several months ago about text messaging and safety. A teenage boy was texting while driving, caused an accident, and killed a person. He now speaks publicly about this both because his judge mandated it and because he wants to help prevent this from happening to others. On the show he had an intervention with a young girl who refuses to stop texting while driving even though she has already gotten in accidents and caused trouble. It’s like she’s addicted. She doesn’t care that her selfish need to text is a potential killer to others.

On NPR about two months ago, there was an entire feature about text walking — a new phenomenon in which people who are walking while texting, with their heads down, are both getting injured and causing injuries (mainly missing a step and falling or getting hit by a car). There was one case mentioned where both the text walker and the driver ended up in the hospital because the driver tried to swerve to miss the inattentive walker and crashed.

I am fascinated by the fact that people are so self-involved with their own personal communications, regardless of how minuscule, they are willing to risk the lives of dozens, even hundreds of lives, including themselves. People are so obsessed with personal technology and their influx of constant emails and texts that they feel so important, so needed, all the time. They don’t care if they risk killing people, though most people never even consider that a reality. I bet Robert Sanchez never thought about it. He probably thought he was just peachy keen, perfectly able to both engineer a several-ton piece of metal and text with family or friends. Until he missed the stop light while he was glancing down at his phone and caused a historic and deadly accident.

Why are people so stubborn? Why can’t they put aside their personal communications and focus on their driving or their work or their walking? Are we such an ADD culture that we think we can just do everything at once? Sorry folks, but we haven’t evolved that far just yet.

After starting a new job a few weeks ago, I was wondering how I should go about revealing my chronic digestive disorder. It’s something I would love to keep a secret, but it’s something I can only hide for so long — I’ve found this out again and again. It really can get in the way some days, and if someone doesn’t know what I’m dealing with, they may sometimes think my behavior a little peculiar.

I didn’t want to come clean too early. I was afraid if I mentioned my condition right away, I would set a bad precedent. I would look weak or high-maintainence. I also didn’t feel the need to mention it if I didn’t have any real reason to.

Then, last week, I had a two-on-one training meeting. An IBSer’s worst nightmare! If I’m feeling bad in a big meeting, I can just slip out for a moment, often unnoticed. Not so in something this small. Half-way through the training, I just wasn’t feeling great. My stomach was twisting into knots. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and said, “Could I please go use the restroom for a minute?” My boss said yes and I left for a few moments. I returned and we continued without any awkwardness, I think, though I’m not sure what was said while I was gone. However, I was worried about what my boss would think if this happened again and again. I didn’t want her to think I was impolite or had bad office etiquette.

We had another meeting with a larger group right after that. My boss and I were the first people in the room in the few minutes before the meeting started. I felt like it was a good time to spill the beans; I’d already put in a few good weeks of work to prove I was solid, but I’d encountered a situation that made it a good time to bring things up. I told her I thought I should let her know that I have a chronic digestive condition that causes me to feel unwell a lot, and if I get up to leave a meeting or conversation abruptly, I’m not being rude — I am just feeling a little sick and will be back in a few minutes. Her first question was, “Oh my gosh, are you OK?” I assured her I was fine and it wasn’t anything to worry about — just an inconvenience that may cause a little odd behavior every now and then.

A co-worker I get along well with and I had a conversation about it the same day, but it was much more of a peer-to-peer conversation — she’s had some health issues in that area too and we were able to laugh and joke about it, and commiserate quite a bit. That made me feel a lot more comfortable.

At this job, I have a laptop that has VPN access, so if I need to work at home, I can still do my work. I haven’t directly asked my boss about this yet but I’ve been told that it’s possible from time to time. Perhaps if I continue to do well and prove myself, I can be allowed to do that on bad days.

I feel a lot of relief that my boss and coworker know about my condition; I always dread having to come clean about it. Sure, it’s embarrassing, but people are more sympathetic when they know what’s going on. I would hate for them to think I was being impolite or just acting wacky. If it was something I could hide all the time, I would have kept it a secret, but it’s unfortunately a syndrome I can only keep masked for so long. I’ve found that honesty works best.

In the past year, I only a small amount of freelance work. I was always so excited whenever I finally found work. Why, when I had a day job writing? I enjoy writing for a variety of publications and on a variety of different subjects, I enjoy making more money in this entry-level phase of my career, and know that the more freelance writing I do, the more successful writing career will be down the road because of the experiencec and contacts. The projects I did do were mostly one-time projects or assignments from Elance, or the occasional job I found on Craigslist. At times I would have a few things to work on, but most often I was looking for gigs rather than getting them.

Something has changed recently and I am now being inundated with freelance work. I think it’s because my resume looks better now that I put in a year as an editorial assistant with a reputable website. I created a website for my freelance writing and editing, which I had put off doing for a long time. I have become better at networking and have found contacts in unexpected places who want my services.

A co-worker from my last job owns a few websites and has asked me to write content for him as soon as I quit. Someone found me on LinkedIn through another writer I know and has asked me to write content for two of his websites on an ongoing basis. A magazine I wrote two stories for last year just contacted me again out of the blue and asked me if I’d write some features for them in the next few weeks. A friend who works at a magazine that’s beginning to cover my city just asked me if I could do a restaurant review in less than a week from today. I recently got a gig as a travel guide author for a book about Austin with a small publisher. A friend of my mom’s asked me to edit an article that he wants to publish in a journal. And so on.

I am beyond PSYCHED to have all these jobs. I finally feel like a real writer. People are starting to respect me and get to know me as a professional. I haven’t had to use Elance in a while, where I often have to get underpaid to get work. These freelance jobs that I have right now will greatly supplement my income. They will give me excellent writing clips, and I really could use some new ones that aren’t about personal finance. They will add to the list of clients on my website and provide more contacts for future work. I am thrilled to finally have jobs pouring in, but I am becoming a little befuddled about how to balance all this with the rest of my life and my day job.

I obviously will not work on any freelance work while at my day job minus answering a really quick e-mail during a sanity break or taking a phonecall during my lunch break. That leaves evenings and weekends.  Normally I can get a ton of my work done on the weekends, but this particular weekend is incredibly busy for me and I will have to really scramble to get things done during the week. Some of the work is fun, but it can get exhausting, especially when I have multiple projects to work on in a short period of time.

I could get all the work done easily if I spent every free waking hour doing it, but I don’t want to work 24/7. I want at least some of my free time to truly be free time. I don’t want to cut time with friends short because I need to race home and finish an assignment. But I know that one day I do want a full-time freelance career, and I feel like the best way to do it is to what I am currently doing. I don’t know when I will want to go full-time freelance — maybe in one year, maybe 10 — it just depends on how my health is and how successful I am both with my day job and my freelance work. I just feel like it would be silly to have the goal of doing full-time freelance without having a freelance career on the side before transitioning.

Here’s what I’m wondering: How can I do the juggle without going crazy? How can I balance everything so I can get all my freelance work done by the deadlines but still have some free time, and not wear myself out so much that I am devoid of energy? I think my key is going to be learning when to say no. I’m still at the point where I am so thrilled to have a freelance job, I can’t fathom turning it down, even if it really doesn’t fit into my schedule. But I am looking at my to-do list for the next few days, and while it’s exciting to feel so in demand, it is also daunting. I think I am going to have to become better with time management, turn down assignments when they don’t fit in my schedule, and ask for longer deadlines if I think an assignment is going to make me go freakin’ crazy . I don’t want to cause myself undue stress if I don’t have to.

On another note, I have recently begun to think about how much I would love to do blog consulting, especially for companies and corporations. I gained a huge amount of experience with this at my last job, and in the last few days, my advice about blogging and social networking for companies has been solicited by several different people, one being someone at my current company (yay!). I had never considered it before, but these requests for my perspective and ideas on company/corporate blogging has made me realize that I do possess valuable skills that other people could benefit from, and would perhaps pay for.

Before I get carried away with that idea, though, I have to remind myself that I don’t really have the time for that right now. I might in a few weeks once this travel guide and another project is finished, and then I may start considering making that one of my freelance services. I wonder if I could be successful with that. Hrmmm….

If you have a day job and freelance on the side, how do you balance it?

When you are juggling work, social activities, family duties, and sleep, sometimes it feels like you have no time to just sit down and take a deep breath let alone hit the gym. It’s so easy to get caught up in the chaos of day-to-day life, we sometimes completely forget to take care of our bodies, or at least put it off and say we’ll do it later.

The thing is, not taking care of yourself has major consequences, even if you don’t feel it yet. Carrying too much stress for too long will break down your immune system and can give you a cold in the short term, but can give you more serious health issues in the long run. Being strung out all the time can keep your cortisol levels (stress hormone) abnormally elevated, causing normally healthy people to experience very high blood pressure, hair loss, and other symptoms — I’ve seen it happen to a loved one. Ignoring your personal needs, both physical and emotional, will only make the your health worse, especially if you already suffer from a chronic illnesses.

Several months ago, I had a moment of clarity where I finally realized I had been ignoring my needs. I was stressed by work, my IBS was killing me, and I felt drained from poor sleep every day. I had always slept terribly, to the point where my exhaustion was often debilitating the next day, but I never knew why. I finally decided it was time to check myself into a sleep disorder clinic. I did a sleep study and found out I had mild sleep apnea, and that was a major part of my problems. Who knew! I also learned tools to help me better deal with my insomina, which is the other half of the problem. I am so glad I listened to my body and checked this out. I may even get my tonsils removed to see if that helps the apnea since the CPAP machine was a disaster.

Last summer I got on a big fitness kick thanks to my personal trainer, and was going to the gym four times a week and in kick-ass shape. That gradually went down to three, and sometimes two. In the last few months, it has dwindled down to once a week. My trainer is now hosting a month-long tone and firm bootcamp three nights a week and asked me to join. At first I thought that sounded crazy, but I realized it would be so wonderful for my body and my stress levels. While it’s intense as hell, I am in week three and feel amazing; I am becoming more toned, have more energy, and overall feel so much healthier.

But doing these occasional bursts of health-related activities isn’t always enough. I did it before with a naturopath; I got on a no-yeast eating plan with about 20 different supplements, and stuck to it for a month, but fell flat after that. This bootcamp is a great temporary solution but will only last a month. It’s great to check in with your body and try to get healthy, but it doesn’t help in the long run if you just stop and start with short-term activities. I have found that consistency and moderation is key, and you need to find lasting ways to maintain your health, as well.

One of my new goals along these lines is to take my supplements each and every day. It is something small but something consistent that will benefit my overall health, both in the short term and long term. Here’s my menu:

• I am taking fish oil because that is great for heart and joint health; I genetically have high cholesterol so I need that support, and studies have proven that fish oil may help with depression, which I struggle with.
• I am taking a multivitamin since I don’t always eat a perfectly balanced diet (who does?) and can use all those good nutrients, vitamins, and minerals for overall health.
• I am taking a supplement to support my thyroid health. I’d always suspected that I have an underactive thyroid, and while several doctors thought I did but couldn’t confirm it with medical tests, my naturopath doctor did some other tests that showed I did indeed.
• I am taking acidophilus to populate my gut with good bacteria and hopefully aid with digestion.

I have been taking these every day for the last week or two and have been feeling pretty darn good. This may also have to do with the fact that I’ve been working out way more frequently with the bootcamp and started a new job last week that I’m really excited about, but I am so pleased that by taking these supplements every day, I am doing something good for my body that really doesn’t even take that much effort or time.

Sure, it’s easy to get caught up in your busy life and not take care of your physical health, but it’s vital to fit it in somehow. Some people think they don’t need it and it boggles my mind. I met someone recently who appears to be at a very healthy weight, but she said she doesn’t work out — never has, and never will, she hopes. It’s odd to me because she appears perfectly healthy, but I wonder how healthy her insides are. Your heart can’t possibly be strong if you don’t exercise at all, and heart disease is the number one killer of women. If you look in the mirror and say, “I’m at a good weight, I don’t need to work out,” I think you’re fooling yourself.  I watched a Tyra Banks Show episode that proved this; they matched up thin girls that most people would view as having an ideal body weight along with some bigger girls. Tyra had them do various fitness tests such as sit-ups, push-ups, and running on treadmills, and nearly every time, the skinny girl could barely do it but the larger girl kicked butt. Skinny doesn’t equal fit, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

My point is: Love yourself. Love your body. Give it the nutrients and exercise you deserve, even if you don’t think you need it. If you say you don’t have enough time, make the time. Wake up 15 minutes early every day to do a yoga DVD. Learn how to steam salmon in the microwave — it’s a delicious, quick, easy dinner. Buy some multivitamins and take them religiously. You deserve it and your body will thank you.

Last week, I wondered about how much you can say online without crossing lines after someone threatened me with the potential of lawsuits for saying things that didn’t even mention any names or specifics. Ironically, I had an experience the next day that made me even more wary of blogging.

I started this blog with the plan for it to remain mostly anonymous. People could know my first name and general job title and field, but I was going to refrain from using my last name, company name, or any other peoples’ names. This way I could write about issues at work without slamming anyone in particular and without being found out. Then my blog became included in Brazen Careerist, an amazing network of career-minded Gen Y bloggers. I was so flattered to be included, I forgot to pay attention to the fact that my last name was used on my profile page for their site.

On Friday, I was contacted by a colleague at the company I just left. At that job, each of us had Google e-mail alerts set up for our names so we could see when our stories were indexed. She has been monitoring my messages since I left and my name popped up in a Google alert; it was my Brazen Careerist profile page.

She went to it and was able to read all my blog posts. I didn’t blog much about my job until I decided to quit, and then I wrote a few posts about why I chose to quit, my opinion about two weeks’ notice, and other issues I encountered. Some things were positive and many were negative, though nothing named names of people or companies. But she made the point that if you Googled my full name, you could find specifics about where I had been working, and it would be possible to put two and two together.

As ignorant as it sounds, that had never occurred to me before. As much as I loved being a part of Brazen Careerist, I completely neglected to realize that the act of being a part of that network completely removed the anonymity merely by including my last name on a profile page.

My former colleague said she was both concerned about my career and the way this reflected on the company. I was humiliated; I never meant for anyone there to read those posts. I didn’t even realize it would be possible for them to find it. I immediately deleted those posts on my blog and talked to Ryan at Brazen Careerist, who is wonderful and took down those posts on their site immediately, even though two of them were currently featured on BC’s front page. I hope all the evidence was destroyed before anyone else at my last company saw it. I don’t want my reputation to be scarred from this.

As I mentioned, I didn’t really start writing blog posts about how things were at work until I decided to quit, so I don’t think I would have ever been fired over the blog, but I know that isn’t that uncommon these days. On the first day of my internship at a magazine a few years ago, I found out that one of the editors had been fired earlier that morning for blogging negatively on Myspace about things at work. Her boss had zero tolerance for that, so she was dismissed immediately. I don’t think I’d write negative blogs about my job when I was still fully employed somewhere, but my situation goes to show that your reputation can still come into play even when you blog about a place you are no longer employed — even when you don’t mention any names.

Now that I have a new job, I’m afraid to mention work at all. Do I just blog about other things and completely ignore work? Considering I spend around 40 hours a week there, my job is a major part of my life and is a huge factor in my overall happiness and balance. It would be hard to blog about my life without acknowledging my work. But I have a great new job and don’t want to risk it. It wouldn’t be smart to blog about it at all. So what do I do now?

It’s hard to write about my work/life balance if I can’t write about work. I guess I can write about work-related things that don’t relate to me, such as new studies that show how many people wish they could telecommute, but do I just want to recap news? I don’t want to write about my relationship or family, because that’s personal. I could write about life with chronic illness, but Rosalind already kicks butt at that and I’m afraid I’d run out of content. I am only a year and a half out of school, so I’m not enough of an expert on anything for people to take me seriously. Do I keep up this blog and tip-toe around anything related to my job? Do I give up blogging until I am a full-time freelancer and do not have an employer to worry about? Do I wait until I’m an expert in something?

Last week’s blog problem was scary, and this other issue was humiliating. I had a false sense of security and am very cautious going forward. I love being able to use blogging to express myself and interact with others, but I don’t like its dark side.

Have you experienced any privacy blunders related to blogging? Do you think blogging about work should be totally off-limits, even if you don’t use any names?

At the job I just left, one of my regular duties was to blog. I really enjoyed the process and the interaction it provided. I would sometimes share personal details, though because it was a professional blog, I was limited in what I could say. I enjoyed blogging so much that I began this blog a few months ago as a place of personal expression.

While I’ve had lots of fun with this blog and many of the conversations it has started on BrazenCareerist.com, I am also starting to become concerned about where the lines should be drawn with it. It’s obviously personal instead of business-related, but how far can I go with it before I start upsetting people? And if I do upset people, is that OK, because I’m inciting conversation, or should I truly be worried about offending strangers?

Here’s what got me thinking about this. In the last few days of my job last week, my editor asked me to go through all the resumes for my potential successor and sort them into piles for the good and the bad. I had never done this before and really enjoyed getting to see what stood out, both good and bad — I felt like this provided a lot of personal insight for me regarding what people must think when they read my application. We received quite a few stellar resumes and cover letters, but we received many by people who seemed to have never been taught how to properly write them.

Sure, I’m no HR expert, but after being at that job for a year I knew precisely what experience I came in with and what the position required, and as a professional writer, I quickly noticed typos, major lack of experience, and other questionable things. Many of these things immediately turned me off and made me not want to consider that person, and it made me sad to realize that so many of them probably had no idea they were committing no-nos.

Because I felt like I learned so much from this experience, I wrote a blog post about it. I also listed brief details about some of the most odd and problematic resumes and cover letters I received, explaining why they turned me off. Each description was no more than a sentence or two and I never mentioned the name of the company, the name of the person, or any truly personal details. Additionally, when I wrote the post, I wrote the disclaimer that I wasn’t trying to make fun of these errors, but rather discuss them to show what types of mistakes can cause someone to throw your resume in the trash can.

I only received one comment on this blog, which said, “Well said,” but I received many on BrazenCareerist.com, where it is also posted. Many people commented that it’s unfortunate how people are so judged based on these pieces of paper, but that it was a fact of life; others agreed with what I said, and a few told their own experiences sorting through resumes. But several people wrote in with comments that worried me; one guy said I was mentioning so many personal details about people that they could be discovered and I could be sued for privacy, even though I was not specific at all. Another told me that I was not an expert on this and should back off. Another said I was really ignorant and that my next job will hopefully humble me. And so on.

I got concerned and deleted the post here, and just asked one of the Brazen Careerist guys to trash it for me on their site if possible. I know that when you have a blog, you need to have tough skin because there will always be mean people out there, but I don’t like being threatened with “tortious conduct” and potential lawsuits. I never claimed to be an expert; I was just observing what I noticed and how I reacted to it. I would never want those people to be found out; that’s why I mentioned no names and few identifying details — just the errors they made and why other people should try to avoid them. But who knows what could happen; some people take offense very easily.

What if someone somehow found their way to this blog, saw my masked description of them, and freaked out on me? I didn’t start this blog to cause controversy or upset people. I wanted a place to write outside of work. A place where I could share my views and experiences. I have read so many other blogs where people talk not so positively about other people, but often nobody makes comments about how the person they’re writing about may take offense. When is it OK? Perhaps you could say that I should tell my workplace that I was blogging about them, but if I did, I probably wouldn’t be able to blog at all.

What do you think? Where should the line be drawn? What should be off-limits? I’m confused.

I took this from the rooftop of my best friend's office

Two nights ago I got back from my long weekend in the Big Apple. While I had a great time catching up with my best friend from high school who has lived there for the last year, I confirmed what I thought this trip would tell me: New York City is not the place for me.

It’s hard to say that since it’s the pinnacle of journalism, and I’ll probably never have the opportunity to work for a major national magazine unless I take my career there. But I would be sacrificing so many things if I left, including my relationship and my financial stability.

While I was there, I loved that all you had to do is walk outside your door to enjoy myriad delis, bakeries, restaurants, and boutiques. I also loved that so many of the eateries were independent and holes-in-the-wall — I encountered very few chains. I had so many tasty meals at cute little sandwich shops I found while walking around. I also like that there is an effective public transportation system. The subways aren’t too expensive and are a reliable way to get around town, though the subway signs are confusing and they aren’t safe at night (and sometimes the trains run late). Also, some routes take a long time for a short distance because of all the stops. But I love that you can hop on an Amtrak train right out of Penn Station and get to the Newark Airport, Boston, or D.C. in just a few hours for much less cost and hassle than a plane.

But I don’t like the attitude there. People are in such a hurry and are rude. I observed an encounter between a mean guy in a car and a police woman on foot; the guy nearly ran the cop over, she yelled something at him, he started yelling, “Bitch, go back to the f**kin’ projects!” and she did the “Oh yeah? OH YEAH?”….it escalated but he finally drove away. There was another encounter on the subway right across from my friend and I; a group of young sassy black kids got in a verbal fight with a grumpy white lady that almost got really nasty.

I am also horrified about the expenses there. I have a friend who just moved to Brooklyn with a few roommates and is only paying $800 in rent, but a subway ride into the city can take 45 minutes. The friend I stayed with pays only $800 in rent to live in the Upper East Side, but she’s been living in a one-bedroom apartment with a roommate, and her bed is in a nook in the living room. She is looking for a place of her own so I went with her to check out a studio. It is $1,800 a month, which is a good deal for a great location in the city. She inquired about a one-bedroom apartment because we saw a for-rent sign in a window, and it was $2,400 (gasp!). She said large one-bedrooms or two-bedrooms go for more than $4,000, easy. I live in a wonderful, roomy one-bedroom apartment in Austin. I am only a 10 minute car ride from downtown and live in a beautiful area. I pay $680 a month. Pretty big difference.

There are also interesting logistical problems that come along with life in the Big City. For example, my best friend currently lives in a building with a doorman, but is about to move to a building without one, so nobody will be there to receive her packages anymore. She works 60+ hour weeks and isn’t home at all during the day. She needs furniture for her new apartment, but how can she get it? Nobody would be there to receive deliveries. She can’t drive to pick up furniture from IKEA or Target because she has no car. Most of those things are too big to fit in a taxi, and you can’t take them on a subway. While this is a small thing, it’s a real kind of problem that busy people in NYC have to deal with.

While I was in the city, I met up with someone who works at at Gotham magazine — a mutual professor from college put us in touch. We met and had a nice chat about the journalism scene in NYC, though she told me several things that really frightened me:

• It’s nearly impossible to get a job if you don’t know people. Oprah Magazine recently put up an ad for an editorial assistant and they received 1,000 resumes in just the first day. You have to have connections if you want to stand out.
• Because I’ve been an editorial assistant for just a year, I would probably have to be one again in NYC. There, the job usually pays $28,000 a year, which is $7,000 a year less than I was earning as editorial assistant at my last job, and I would be living in a place where the cost of living is incredibly higher.
• As an editorial assistant at my last job, I did have to do some grunt work, like data entry and frustrating research, but I also wrote blogs several times a week and got to write many front-page features. This girl said in NYC, editorial assistants are often resigned to things like coffee duty. I did a few magazine internships in college and got my share of errand-running then. I do not want to go somewhere to have the same job title but get paid way less and have to go back to intern duties.
• She said supply is much greater than demand in New York City, so not only are jobs extremely competitive, but people themselves are very competitive, always trying to get that promotion over you. She said you really have to watch your back.
• She also said that just because you get one magazine job in New York City doesn’t mean the rest of your career there will be successful; most people in mags there change jobs once every two years, so you’re on a constant hunt for contacts and fighting your way to the top. She said it gets really tiring.

After considering how much costlier it would be for me to live there and on much less pay than I’m currently getting and doing more intern-type duties, that move doesn’t appeal. I would have to rely on my parents again for help, and after a year of financial independence, I don’t want to do that. Austin is a growing and popular town, but the cost of living is still very reasonable. It’s also a more laid-back, friendly place. We have a great music and arts scene and lots of great boutiques and restaurants.

It was great to experience New York from a local’s perspective. I saw inside several apartments and office buildings (including a really posh and major advertising firm). I didn’t do the touristy stuff; I went to the areas the locals go, shopped where they shopped, ate what they ate. It was fun and I loved spending time with my friend, but I was relieved when it was time to go home. New York is just too rushed, expensive, and cut-throat for me.

I’m glad I went, though. The two other times I had been to New York City, I was in high school and only saw the tourist attractions, and wasn’t wild about the city. I knew I needed to experience it as a more mature person who is out of school to truly know whether it was the place for me, and I had a feeling I may love it. I now feel confident that it’s not the place for me, and don’t have to regret not ever looking into it. I will always enjoy visiting, but it’s not somewhere I want to set up house. Also, while I may not ever be a staffer at a major national magazine, it doesn’t mean I can’t freelance for the big guys!

Have you made the jump to New York City? Are you considering it?

It’s happening. My peers are getting hitched and pregnant left and right. I am 23. I am not OK with this.

A boy I had a brief mission trip romance with in middle school just had a baby this summer with his wife. In October I will witness one of my best friends since elementary school get married. An elementary school friend got married last year and popped out a baby a few months ago. The boy who took me to his senior prom, who I was always fond of but wouldn’t date me because I wasn’t Catholic, just got married (to a Catholic girl). All these people are my age or one year older, but now there is a round of engagements happening among my younger friends. A high school friend who’s 22 is already married.

I know that back in the day people got married when they were 15, but they also only lived to 45. Now that the average lifespan is around 80, why on earth are people in their very early 20s clamoring to commit to someone for life? It only makes sense if they’re the no-sex-’til-marriage type, and I don’t think I’m friends with any of those. It can’t be the legal benefits. Is it the sparkly ring?

OK, disclaimer: My mom has been engaged four times and married thrice. My dad has been married three times. My parents divorced when I was in the fifth grade and I watched my mom go through another divorce. I’ve definitely seen my fair share of messy relationships, and I don’t have the confidence that marriage is forever.

Sure, I’d love to get married one day if it feels right, but why on earth would I do that now? Yes, I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years and we very well may tie the knot eventually, but there is no reason why I need to make such a life-altering, important, supposedly permanent decision when I am so young and still learning so much about myself. I’m also poor. I want to do a ton of traveling before I really settle down. I’d love to live in the United Kingdom for a few years if not forever.

If I am going to get engaged:

• I want to have lived with that person for at least a year to make sure our idiosycracies don’t drive each other mad.
• I want to make sure we are on the same page financially.
• I want to make sure we are at peace with our religious views, or lack of them.
• I want to make sure we feel the same way about having kids, or not having them.
• I want to make sure we are both mature enough to keep our commitments to each other.

I see friends getting married who aren’t financially independent or haven’t been with that person very long, and it just boggles my mind. If you meet the mortality rate, you may be with this person for SIXTY years. Would it really kill you to wait a few more years, grow up a little, experience the real world a bit longer, and make sure this is really the right decision? I’ve read statistics that the younger you get married, the more likely you are to get divorced. Duh!

Last year The Boston Globe reported that the U.S. divorce rate has actually dropped thanks to people marrying smarter. Less folks are marrying young and more people are living together before getting hitched. I’m not sure how many of my peers are going this route — despite having many friends who aren’t even in a relationship, every day on Facebook there’s a new person announcing their engagement or marriage. But perhaps if this was 50 years ago, I’d be the only person in my social circle not married. I’m just grateful my boyfriend is not in a rush to get married either — his mom has also been divorced three times, and I think he’s more afraid of marriage than I am. It would be pretty awful to be with someone who wanted to get married way before you did.

I understand the point of getting married, I just don’t understand the point in doing it so young. We are still learning so much about ourselves. Life is a journey, but I think you change the most in your 20s — this is when we really figure ourselves out. That’s not to say don’t enjoy a great relationship, but what’s with all this urgency to get so serious? I feel like most of the people I know getting married or engaged are so young, and not possibly mature enough for such a drastic decision. It seems like they’re playing house rather than really getting married. I know I need at least a few more years to really figure out what I want from life before I exchang vows.

Are you equally freaked out as you watch all your peers get hitched or am I just a paranoid child of divorce?

Photos courtesy of Ann Douglas and brtsergio.

The other day I read a blog post by Penelope Trunk about the difficulty of accepting silence. She was talking about speeches; how when you’re speaking publicly, it’s easy to get in a hurry and talk non-stop just to get it over with. Talking continually makes us feel safer, but it’s pauses, or silence, that actually gives our words some of their greatest meaning.

While she was discussing public speaking, for some reason when I read that post, I instantly related it to technological silence, or lack thereof. We are becoming so saturated in online communication that when we are not bombarded with messages, the silence feels wrong.

My first experience with online messaging was AOL (we got it so early on, my screen name was EmilyG); then instant messenger took over and was how I passed most high school evenings. In college I became more of an e-mail junkie, and then Facebook was born. Then there was MySpace, Twitter, and LinkedIn. Then Gmail, which all my close friends switched to, and its accompanying Gchat. Then when I started working full-time, there was my work e-mail, and now I have a Twitter for work. Then there’s the comments I receive on my work blog and now this personal blog. There are a million different ways to contact me at all hours of the day or night.

I keep my Gmail account open in a Firefox tab throughout the workday, and without a doubt, at least every hour a few e-mails will pop up, whether it’s my mom checking in, a comment on my blog, an invite to a party via Facebook or a notification that someone is following me on Twitter. Even when I’m home, I compulsively check my e-mail. Then there’s the work e-mail coming in all day; pitches from PR people, links co-workers thought would be useful for a story I’m working on, information from my boss about an upcoming project, etc.

Each e-mail, notification, comment or invite I receive means someone was thinking of me. When I’m really deluged with messages, I’m not going to lie; it makes me feel a little important.

So what happens when the messages cease? If I ever go through an hour without receiving one IM, Gchat, work e-mail, or personal e-mail, I start wondering what could be wrong. The silence is deafening. Is Gmail having another malfunction? Are a lot of people in a meeting right now? What’s going on? WHY DON’T PEOPLE NEED ME?

It’s one thing if I was a CEO who was being bombarded by messages, because that type of person actually is very important, makes critical decisions and needs to be in constant contact with numerous people. But little me, barely a year out of college? Nope; not that vital. Interestingly, the way we are now all massively connected online, both with strangers and friends alike, everyone can feel grandiose. The biggest nerd in the world can be hugely popular and never go a moment without blog comments and e-mails if he writes a cool enough blog.

Because I have become so accustomed to the constant influx of communication, I freak out when it’s gone. When I was in Europe for two weeks earlier this summer with little e-mail access and a global cell phone that only a few people knew the number for, I felt totally disconnected from my life back home. It was so refreshing for the first week, but then I began experiencing withdrawals. I missed that feeling of being contacted constantly — knowing I was needed and wanted. People were getting along just fine without me. Why couldn’t I just enjoy the silence indefinitely?

This ongoing deluge of online communication has also led me to become perpetually distracted. My attention span has dwindled. It’s become hard for me to focus on just one thing when there are so many other things I can do. When I’m in the middle of working on a booger of a story, my mind drifts and begs me to check out my friends’ latest tweets or see who’s changed their relationship status on Facebook or IM an old friend. There are so many available distractions that even when they are not directly coming to me, they beckon me. It even happens when I’m offline; sometimes I’ll be happily reading a book, but will get a sudden urge to see if my inbox has anything waiting for me. It’s an addiction.

The Internet certainly can aid in productivity, but I’m afraid for those of us raised in this online age. Too much social behavior is happening online and too little offline. There are many old friends I’ve been reconnected with for years now, but our only communication has been through AIM and e-mail or Facebook. Parties that used to happen by word-of-mouth are now promoted through Facebook invites, and my dear boyfriend, who canceled his Facebook account last summer, often has to be informed of events by me because so many people don’t pick up the phone anymore. I probably spend more time catching up with my family through AIM, Facebook, and e-mail than on the phone. I don’t even know many of the people I interact with on Twitter or my blog. The Internet can make us feel so loved, but we have to take a step back and realize how artificial it can be.

I’m not sure what I can do about this. I think I just need to be aware of these issues and catch myself when I start wandering into the bowels of the Internet instead of being productive. I also need to realize that just because someone sent me an e-mail and I was notified at that very instant, I do not need to respond immediately. If I really want to know how someone is doing, I should pick up the phone and call them. In this instant gratification world, we’ve developed a sense of urgency about everything. I think we’ve all become so fragmented, we could all probably qualify for an adderral prescription if we got tested for ADD. I need to take a breath and remember that no, I’m not that important, and yes, the world will go on without me. And I shouldn’t let so many of my friendships exist primarily online. While I’ve almost always been against the concept of workplaces blocking Web sites, I’m starting to understand why they do it. So many sites are a total time drain and really shouldn’t be accessed when people are being paid to work. I’d probably be more productive if I could kick my addiction to social networking. But what about e-mail? I can’t turn that off. You can’t function in the business world without it.

The more I think about this, the more I thank God I don’t have a Blackberry or an iPhone.

How do you stay productive when the Internet’s distractions are beckoning you? How is your social life affected by the Web?